Hope Edelman’s book refers to MD that have another female figure in their life who takes over the role of mother. It could be an aunty, teacher, family friend, older sister or any other number of possibilities. However, an additional family dysfunction arises when there is no substitute mother figure. I am in the latter category.
I have a godmother. When you goggle search godmother she is defined as “an influential figure who provides support”, “serves as a sponsor for a child”, ” promises to raise the child” and “sensible mother figure”. My ‘godmother’ does not fill these roles. Probably it wouldn’t be of significance – people grow apart, except my godmother has always been present in my life.
In some ways, I feel like I am meant to take her on as my mother figure but she doesn’t represent what I want and need from that figure. Plus, if I reach out to her as my mother I usually do not receive a response befitting of a mother to a daughter, hence I feel let down. I feel that I am of little importance next to her own biological daughters.
Now that my father and godmother are partners and are buying a house together she will be more a part of my ‘family’ life.
Characteristics of motherless daughters who do not have another mother figure in their lives:
- Quick but irrational connection with ‘mother figures’.
- Sense of loss or missing when that fickle ‘mother figure’ does not respond as a ‘daughter’ might hope.
- Longing to feel a strong connection with father figure.
- Curiosity and jealousy about how other daughters associate with their own mothers.
There are some other important motherless daughter characteristics outlined here. This website highlights that you may feel these symptoms even if your mother was / is present in your life.
